i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
