Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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