That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
