turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
