Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
