Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
