dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
