i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
