I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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