For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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