i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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