if only i could text you this smell
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
