I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
