I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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