Please, let me fuck your mom
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
