i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
