i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
