I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
