Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
