Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
