i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
