Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
