so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Randomize
