my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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