When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize