The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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