It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
