I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
