he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
