where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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