my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
