i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I didn't notice because vodka
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
