If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
