Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
