I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
