this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
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He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
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The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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