4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize