Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
