I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
