So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
