I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
