I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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