I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
