Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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