Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
