we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
