her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
