She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
