we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
