Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
