when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
