bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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