New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
