Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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