just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
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