Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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