oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
