are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
