Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
