I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she smelled like a LAN party
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
