So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
