Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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