Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
