my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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