You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
