Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
