well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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