all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
