I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
