Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
